Maybe its the weather, it feels like we're somewhere in between the worst of winter and the first of spring, but lately I feel like I'm "teetering" on the edge of who I am and who I want to be. Somewhere between the girl I was (although I have such wonderful memories I'm so grateful God saved me from her) and the women I want to be.
Somewhere between the girlfriend I was.......
And the wife I want to be......
Somewhere between the cheer coach thats a hero to some.....
and the exact opposite to others on the same team.....
I think as women in general we struggle to find balance. Like so many others I've spread myself too thin and feel like I'm "half-way" doing so many jobs that my heart is "all the way" in. But like so many other times in my life when I couldn't seem to find the balance I'm turning to one of my favorite scriptures Jerimiah 29:11... "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."
And although I will ALWAYS be the girl thats somewhere in between what makes sense...like the way I cling to scripture and listen to "Seether" to get me through ....that I can handle because it only affects me. But when my actions affect so many other lives (especially those of children, mine & others) thats when the "teetering" bothers me.
Me & Chandler.....the thing that quickly made this home........
I remember always thinking I'd be a great "boy mommy". I always knew I wanted a house full of children and just assumed they'd be boys. Well, I started with Callie and quickly learned that little girl was the most amazing thing that could happen to anyone. Next came Ali, another one of a kind miracle in my life. I had the two most wonderful daughters in the world and yet they were complete opposites. Although I fell in love with Trey (as anyone who meets him does) way before he was mine....he didn't "need me"....Trey came to love me and let me be his mom on his own time and he nor I would have it any other way. But recently I realize what a blessing my nephews are to me. Being an Aunt is without a doubt one of the greatest joys in my life. Unlike being their mommy, an aunt gets to love, brag, laugh, brag, goof, brag....and never worry about what mistakes we're making. You don't have to question every move you make...thats mommy's job and these two boys have "just the mommy they need". You can tell what a great job these ladies have done after being around either of these boys for 5 minutes. Now mind you, the sweet, handsome, respectful boy you'll meet is the same one thats giving his mom more grief and worry than she ever deserved, but because she doesn't let him get by with it.....I get to be "the aunt" without worry. I love these boys and I'm so thankful to have both of them in my life. And I'm even more grateful for how they "look out" for my daughters. Its amazing how protective and proud they are (in their own cool, quiet way). I should also mention I have another nephew, Jaxon who's just as wonderful as these two....but like Trey once was, Jaxon doesn't need me and I'm sure if either of his other aunts blog....you could read a book. haha
